I am in square 4 with my daughters. (The 4th quadrant of Martha Beck’s Change Cycle- shorthand for putting a shit ton of work into something and now making small tweaks to keep it afloat)  Could it be? I am present and mothering fully. It’s not perfect.  It’s loud and hormonal and drama-laden, but I am engaged and available and human.

Speaking of human, my name is not Mom.

Yesterday I was in my closet (really, behind the door of the small 1940’s era closet) and I asked my youngest; did your sister just call my name? And it hit me, she didn’t call my name she called for MOM. Oh did that opened up a skylight in my awareness dwelling.

My Name Is Not Mom.

I am Katie.

I have experiences, a past, passions, interests, opinions.

I am at a place where I want and am beginning to show my daughters more of who I am.

I am ready for them to meet me (age appropriately and with less cursing, naturally). This takes engagement and vulnerability and

I am so in.

I am ready to shed the frameless shapeless mom that they call and cuddle and order food from. 

I will continue to do all these things, but with a little more dignity. I’d like them to see me as a person so when they finish eating they will think a moment before leave their dishes on the table.

So, this is my square 4 tweak. I am ready for this. Being Mom, but sprinkled with a little more Katie.

Who's with me?

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